...continued from Part Ten...
Mark: Don't breathe too deep.
CROW: I'll say. Condemned building probably doesn't have the best ventilation.
Don't think all day.
MIKE: More good advice.
CROW: That these characters have obviously taken to heart.
Drive the other way.
MIKE (Joey): Does he...you know...drive his car on the other side of the street?
TOM (Phoebe): Well, he's not *British*.
CROW: Funny this particular actor should mention that--
MIKE: CROW!!!!
Goes away, just play the game.
CROW: Yikes -- no more Repetitive Scrabble! Are you trying to kill us all?
You're living in America at the end of the millennium.
ALL: AUUUUUUUUGHHHH!!!!!!
CROW: Chris Carter is taking over the world, one show at a time.
MIKE: And, just like he does on TV, he's starting with the ones that suck!
TOM: If they play that stupid "Millennium" theme song, I'm leaving.
CROW: If Gillian Anderson appears, I'm *never* leaving.
Leave your conscience at the tone.
MIKE: Auuuugh, the answering machine!
(All cover their ears.)
MIKE: False alarm.
TOM: Shouldn't they have some kind of disclaimer about that? I nearly had a heart attack!
CROW: I smell a lawsuit...
And when you're living in America at the end of the millennium, you're what you own
ALL: Huh????
MIKE: So...if I own a 90210 lunchbox, does that make me Jason Priestley?
TOM: No, I think it makes you a lunchbox.
MIKE: I hate this show!
Roger: The filmmaker cannot see
Mark: And the songwriter cannot hear
CROW: Well, we knew *that* -- duh!!!
Roger: Just tighten those shoulders
Mark: Just clench your jaw til you frown
TOM: What are we, in the army now?
MIKE (Instructor from beer commercial): Well, don't just stand there -- find the general his pretzels!
Both: You're living in America. Where it's like the Twilight Zone
(All look at each other.)
ALL: Chris Carter.
MIKE (Announcer): Imagine, if you will, a place where people barely have any heat or electricity. Yet, they have answering machines, cellular phones, and conference calling...
I don't own emotion - I rent
(All groan.)
CROW: Shameless Reference to Their Own Show #525,600.
Mark: What was it about that night
Roger: What was it about that night
MIKE: Don't say a *word*, Crow!
CROW: Hey -- do you see me talking? (stifles laughter.)
Mark: For once the shadows gave way to light
Roger: For once the shadows gave way to light
TOM: Random references to animals, to fire, even to their own show are okay. But add literary allegories and it's like, *enough* already!
Both: For once I didn't disengage
MIKE: Huh? I missed that. What did they say?
Mark: I hear it- Roger: Mimi - I see you
CROW: SHUT UP!!!! MIKE: Geez, didn't you learn anything in kindergarten? *Take turns*!!!
Alexi - Mark
CROW: Where? Where? (Mike shakes his head sadly.)
I quit!
TOM: Not again! I swear, people quit faster than American Airlines pilots on this show!
Both: Dying in America at the end of the millennium.
MIKE: This better not be another literary allegory.
TOM: No, just a really bad attempt at contrasting opposite ideas.
And when you're dying in America at the end of the millennium, you're not alone. I'm not alone.
CROW: Both you *and* I aren't alone? So, who are we with, each other? TOM (Barney): (sings) I die with you, you die with me, we're a dysfunctional family...
Roger & Mark's voice: "Speak!"
ALL: AUUUUUUUGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
MIKE: That's it, I'm getting rid of that thing right now, I don't care what happens! (He tries to get out of his seat, Tom and Crow hold him back.)
TOM: No, Mike -- you can't do that! They'll send us back to Deep 13 and make us watch Irwin Allen movies! Dr. Forrester is that evil -- you know that!
CROW: Besides, look, look here in the program, no more Voice Mail. It's okay, calm down, it's all over.
(Mike starts crying, Crow comforts him.)
Shhh, shhhh, just let it out, let it all out.
Roger's Mother: "Moving to Santa Fe. Back in New York, starting a rock band." Roger, where are you?
TOM: Well, given that information -- and this is probably just a shot in the dark -- but I'd have to say either Santa Fe or New York. Just a wild guess.
Mimi's Mother: Mimi chica, donde esta?
CROW: There are too many languages in this show!
MIKE: Crow, there's been like three.
CROW: That's three too many!
All Seven Homeless: Christmas bells are ringing, Christmas bells are ringing, Christmas bells are ringing
TOM: Hey, the carolers are back! (All cheer and clap.)
MIKE: I wondered where they went!
CROW: Probably to take this show off their resumes.
One Homeless Man: "Santy Claus is coming"
CROW: Talk is *cheap*, man!!! He didn't show up *once*, I can't *believe* him!
TOM: Oh, keep your shirt on, Crow! Do you really think a self-respecting man like Santa Claus would actually show up for *this* show?
All: 'Cause Santy Claus ain't coming.
CROW: WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO IN THE FIRST PLACE??????
Mark: December 24th, ten p.m., Eastern Standard Time.
CROW: BEEP! And twenty seconds.
TOM: Well that's not very original. He just used the opening to the show.
MIKE: One hour later, though.
TOM: So, what -- before it was *Central* time?
I can't believe a year went by so fast.
MIKE: A *year*????
TOM: Wait a second -- you're telling me that the first act was a *day* and the second act was *a year*?
CROW: Oh, but you know those artists -- no concept of time.
TOM: Yeah, you're right.
First shot Roger with the fender guitar he just got out of hock when he sold the car that took him away and back
MIKE: (snickers) I knew he couldn't bear to part with it. It's like his security blanket, or something.
CROW: It may provide him with things other than security--
MIKE: Crow, *behave*! I still have the duct tape -- don't think I haven't forgotten about it!
Roger: I found my song
Mark: He found his song, if he could just find Mimi
TOM: I pity her, considering it took him a *year* to find his song.
CROW: Yeah, but I wouldn't mind seeing her face on a milk carton.
TOM: But don't they only drink Diet Coke or something?
CROW: Oh yeah. Must be an artist thing.
Roger: But he's got great footage
Mark: Which he's cut together
Roger: To screen tonight
MIKE: The exposition is flying fast and furiously.
TOM: I mean, geez -- can't they come up with something better to say than retelling the plot?
CROW: Oh you know artists...not the best conversationalists. Usually too busy communing with their mediums, or whatever.
Roger: Muffy
Mark: Alison
TOM: He *still* doesn't know her name? It's *been* a year already! That's ridiculous!
Roger: Then again, maybe we won't screen it tonight.
MIKE (Darryl from "Adventures in Babysitting"): Ya think?
Collins: Or an angel.
CROW: Wait, I thought he was dead.
MIKE: I think deadness is relative in this show.
CROW: How do you know that?
MIKE: Wild guess.
Collins: No, no, no. I rewired the ATM at the Food Emporium to provide an honorarium to anyone with the code
MIKE: Oh, there they go with the dictionary words again!
CROW: Only small minds use big words.
MIKE: Case in point...
Collins: A-N-G-E-L.
TOM: Oh, isn't that cute? Isn't that sweet? Isn't that -- I'm gonna be sick.
Yet Robin Hooding isn't the solution.
ALL: Kevin Costner!!!
CROW: He'll save this show!
MIKE (Baseball player): Is this hell?
TOM (Kevin Costner): No, it's "Rent".
The powers that be must be undermined where they dwell. In a small exclusive gourmet institution where we overcharge the wealthy clientele
MIKE: Did anybody else understand what he just said?
TOM & CROW: No.
MIKE: Good.
Collins: We'll make it yet, we'll somehow get to Santa Fe
Roger: But you'd miss New York before you could unpack
TOM: That was profound.
CROW: Yeah. Why did you just say that?
TOM: I don't know. Some innate urge.