MiSTed: "Rent"

by Molly Sergel


...continued from Part Eleven...

Maureen: Mark! Roger! Anyone - help!

CROW: So wait -- does that mean she wants Mark and Roger's help or anyone's help but Mark and Roger?

TOM: Hmmmm. I don't know.

Mark: Maureen?

MIKE: (dumbly) No -- just someone who looks and sounds exactly like her. Sheesh, for having gone out with this girl, he sure doesn't recognize her a lot of the time. Always having to ask if it's her.

CROW: Remember that thing with that apartment and the memory loss?

MIKE: No.

CROW: Okay.

Maureen: It's Mimi - I can't get her up the stairs!

TOM: Well, *generally* people like to walk up the stairs *by themselves*, they don't *need* help unless they're like sick, or something.

Roger: No!

TOM (Roger): Last time I checked she could walk!

Maureen: She was huddled in the park in the dark. And she was freezing and begged to come here

CROW: Hey, wait a minute -- why can't she walk?

TOM: What was she doing outside?

CROW: (getting worried) Yeah, I mean she could've caught pneumonia or something!

TOM: (getting worried) Is she okay?

Joanne: She's been living on the street

MIKE: Yeah, I bet that's not *all* she was doing on the street!

CROW: Shut up, Mike -- can't you see she's sick?

TOM: Yeah, Mike, shut up!

Mimi: I'm shivering

MIKE: Thank you, Agent Obvious.

Mark: We can buy some wood and something to eat.

MIKE: Wait -- I thought they thought that firewood tasted good? So, they could buy wood for burning *and* eating, right guys? Guys?

TOM: Shhhh.

Mimi: Don't waste your money on Mimi, me, me

MIKE: Crow -- look, she's not saying her name, just "me" over and over again...

CROW: Not now, Mike!

Mimi: I should tell you Benny wasn't any--

Roger: Shhh - I know.

MIKE: More psychic ability? Three people in one show -- that's just too many!

TOM: Mike, will you *shut up*?

I should tell you why I left. It wasn't 'cause I didn't--

Mimi: I know.

MIKE: *Four* people with the same psychic gift?...Guys, this is *insane*, you know this is ridiculous, right, guys? Come on, guys -- say something!

CROW: Shhh! Later.

Roger: Who do you think you are? Leaving me alone with my guitar

(Mike snickers.)

TOM: Mike, that's not funny.

CROW: (desparingly) He waited too long to tell her and now it may be too late!

Roger: The night you came into my life, where there's moonlight I see your eyes

MIKE: Yes, generally eyes are visible by moonlight.

CROW: Mike, I'm warning you...

I should tell you, I should tell you, I have always loved you. You can see it in my eyes

MIKE: So wait...he can see her eyes in his eyes, or is it the other way around?

TOM: Be quiet!

Mimi!

MIKE: That's her name, don't wear it out!

CROW: Oh my God...she's dead! She's dead, they really killed her! (starts crying)

MIKE: What the hell is wrong with you, Crow? Pull yourself together!

TOM: (crying) He waited to long to tell her! Now, she'll never know how much he loved her!

MIKE: Not you too, Tom! Guys -- this show is stupid, it's ridiculous, it's so bad it's funny. It's not *sad*, I mean (looks at the stage, sees the action) Oh my God, she really did die?

CROW: Yeah. It's so horrible! (All start bawling.)

Mimi: I jumped over the moon!

TOM: No, silly, only Mauren can jump over the -- what?

Roger: What?

Mimi: A leap of Moooooooooooooo-

CROW: She's back?

Joanne: She's back!

Mimi: I was in a tunnel, heading for this warm white light...

MIKE: Oh my God.

Maureen: Oh my God!

Mimi: And I swear Angel was there. And she looked good! And she said, "Turn around, girlfriend, and listen to that boy's song."

Collins: She's drenched.

Maureen: Her fever's breaking.

Mark: There is no future. There is no past

Roger: Thank God this moment's not the last

Mimi & Roger: There's only us, there's only this. Forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way. No day but today

Women: I can't control my destiny I trust my soul, my only goal is just to be Without you, the hand gropes The ear hears, the pulse beats Life goes on, but I'm gone 'Cause I die wthout you I die without you I die without you I die without you

Men: Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare? There's only now, there's only here Give in to love or live in fear No other path, no other way, No day but today No day but today No day but today No day but today

All: No day but today

(After the applause, the lights come on and people start exiting the theater. Mike, Tom, and Crow remain there with their mouths open.)

CROW: She didn't really die?

TOM: She came back to life?

MIKE: I can't believe it.

(All pause.)

CROW: That is the *stupidest* thing I've ever heard of! I mean, that can't happen!

TOM: Yeah, what exactly are the odds of someone with pneumonia *and* AIDS coming back to life?

MIKE: What are the odds of *anyone* coming back to life?

CROW: They just did that so they could have a happy ending! Bunch of cheap sentimentality!

MIKE: Yeah, I mean what happened to the harsh realities of life?

TOM: So everything is *really* all happy and nice, even when it looks grim and awful?

CROW: The ending basically went against everything the show stood for!

MIKE: No kidding! No wonder the American public loves it so much. It's like a damn sitcom -- all problems get resolved in half an hour. Or in this case, two and a half hours.

TOM: You mean, we just watched a two and a half hour sitcom?

MIKE: Uh...yeah.

CROW: With no commercials?

MIKE: Yep.

TOM: And no laugh track?

MIKE: Yep.

CROW: And no Jennifer Aniston?

MIKE: Yep.

TOM: What a ripoff!

CROW: Yeah, imagine if we'd actually had to *pay* for that!

MIKE: Why would *anybody* want to pay for that when they could just see it on TV?

TOM: Face it -- the American public is only attracted to flashy images and catch phrases..

(They get up and leave the theater, then exit the building. As they are walking down the street, they see a billboard.)

CROW: What's that?

MIKE: (reads) "Bring in da Noise, Bring in da Funk".

TOM: Well, the title sounds cool. And that's a pretty cool poster.

CROW: And if that's true, then of course the show *has* to be cool!

MIKE: Let's go see it.

(All continue walking down the street.)

THE END