...continued from Part Four...
Mark: Whoa!
MIKE: Who says guys don't know how to give compliments anymore?
Both: Hey - it's beginning to snow
CROW: You know, that's the third time somebody's said that.
MIKE: Remember, they screened this show in front of a bunch of artists first, and they don't get out much. Maybe they felt they had to keep reminding them that weather lasts for a while.
Cops: I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
TOM: That's probably the fifth song they've ripped off the lyrics to.
CROW: I smell a lawsuit!
Mimi & junkies: Follow the man - follow the man. With his pockets full of the jam.
CROW: Jam in his pockets? Wouldn't that be a little messy
TOM: Hey, it's New York -- they do whatever they want there.
Got any D man?
CROW (The Man): No, you wanna go about three blocks down, and take a left when you see the big sign for Sesame Street. Plenty of D there.
Mimi & junkies: Got any X, any smack, any horse, any Jugie Bugie Boy, any blow
TOM: Hey, they could use this on Sesame Street -- look at all the letters and words kids could learn!
MIKE: Or they could learn the code names for drugs and be forced to take the show off the air.
Roger: Hey
Mimi: Hey
CROW: Not much for conversation, are we?
Roger: I blew up. Can I make it up to you?
Mimi: How?
Roger: Dinner party
Mimi: That'll do
MIKE: An eternal truth, boys. You can say anything you want to a girl, but if you offer to buy them something, they will forgive you.
TOM: You think she knows he has no money?
MIKE: Not a chance in hell.
The Man: Hey lover boy - cutie pie
CROW: Oh, so he's *that* kind of man.
TOM: I wonder if he should tell that guy he only goes for musical instruments.
CROW: Or women clad in vinyl.
TOM: And he's neither one, so he doesn't stand a chance.
Junkies: I'm willin', I'm illin'. I gotta get my sickness off. Gotta run, gotta ride, gotta gun, gotta hide -- gotta go
MIKE: My sentiments exactly!
The Man: And it's beginning to snow
TOM (Announcer): For those of you who have just joined us...
Coat Vendor: L.L. Bean Junkies: Got any C man?
(All cover their ears.)
Squeegieman: Honest living- Roger: Mark, this is Mimi -
MIKE (Roger): She *doesn't* make an honest living.
Roger: She'll be dining with us
TOM: I wonder why he doesn't tell her that Roger has no money.
CROW (Carol Hathaway): Then he'd be violating the guy code.
TOM (Doug Ross): The guy code?
CROW (Carol Hathaway): Yeah, of non-communication.
Vendors: Hats, dats, bats
TOM: I like dats--
MIKE: Don't even try it, Tom.
Collins: That's my coat!
CROW: (laughing) You mean that *woman* was the one who mugged him? HA -- what kind of *guy* is he, a wimp?
MIKE: *Special* people, Crow.
Mark: I think we've met.
TOM: Why does *that* not surprise me?
CROW: Yeah, what's the difference between a 747--
MIKE: CROW!!!
Collins: It's a sham
Mimi: That's what he said
MIKE: Oh yeah, you should me *one guy* who thinks that kind of living is a sham!
Homeless & Vendors: Christmas bells are ringing, Christmas bells are ringing, Christmas bells are singing.
ALL: What the...?
MIKE: Okay, I take back everything I said about two people singing different words at the same time.
TOM: I don't even think they're singing real phrases, just stringing words together.
CROW: Just wake me when it's over!!!!
All: And it's beginning to, and it's beginning to, and it's beginning to
MIKE: What? Rain? Sleet? Hail? Tell us, please, just don't leave us in suspense!
Maureen: Joanne, which way to the stage!
TOM: Who the hell is that?
All: Snow!!!
ALL: AUUUUUUGH!!!!!!
Maureen: Last night I had a dream.
CROW: Did yours involve Jessica Rabbit and Hostess Twinkies too?
MIKE: CROW!!!!!
I found myself in a desert called Cyberland. It was hot. My canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty. Out of the abyss walked a cow - Elsie.
TOM: Oh, Freud would have a *field day* with her!
I asked if she had anything to drink, she said, "I'm forbidden to produce milk
CROW (Soup Nazi): No milk for you!
In Cyberland, we only drink Diet Coke."
TOM: You know, I always *knew* Ray Charles had some kind of suggestive power.
MIKE: That's Diet *Pepsi*, Tom.
Backups: Leap of faith, leap of faith, leap of faith, leap of faith...
CROW: Oh, so this is like the movie, only not very good.;
MIKE: A bad movie referenced in a bad show. Why does that make sense to me at this point?
TOM: So, where's Steve Martin anyway?
MIKE: I think he and Santa Claus were on the same plane.
Maureen: "Only thing to do is jump over the moon." I gotta get out of here!
MIKE: I hear ya...
It's like I'm being tied to the hood of a yellow rental truck, being packed in with fertilizer and fuel oil, pushed over a cliff by a suicidal Mickey Mouse.
CROW: She can do that to me any time! Grrrr!
MIKE: Crow, do I have to put duct tape on your beak again?
TOM: I wonder if this is a subtle reference to the trials and tribulations of Michael Eisner as he struggles to maintain the level of greatness achieved by Disney in its heyday. MIKE: I don't think so, Tom.
TOM: Okay. Just checking.
Maureen: Then a little bulldog entered. His name, we have learned, was Benny.
TOM: Well don't get him near Mimi -- she thinks she's a cat.
"That's bull," he said. "Ever since the cat took up the fiddle that cow's been jumpy. The dish and the spoon were evicted from the table and eloped...she's had trouble with the milk and the moon ever since.
MIKE: That's too many nursery rhyme references for a sane person to comprehend!
CROW: So you should have no trouble, huh Mike? (Mike hits Crow over the head.)
The dish and the spoon, for instance, they're down on their luck, they come knocking on my doghouse door. I said, "Not in my backyard, utensils! Go back to China!"
TOM: Nursery rhymes combined with racial stereotypes? My head hurts just thinking about it!
MIKE: *Special* people -- oh forget it, you're right. That's too weird.
And I lowered myself beneath her and held my mouth to her swollen udder and sucked the sweetest milk I have ever tasted. "Climb on board," she said.
(Crow chuckles under his breath, Mike hits him over the head.)
Over the moon - over the moooo.
ALL: Huh????
TOM: Did she just moo? Please don't tell me she's a cow/human hybrid!
MIKE: No more "X-Files" for you, Tom.
Moooo Mooooo Moooooo. Moo with me.
MIKE: *What* are they doing? They're *people* and they're *mooing*?
TOM (Mike): *Special* people, remember?
Thank you.
CROW: Wow, these people really *haven't* been out in a while! They actually thought that was good.
TOM: Eh, artists have no taste anyway.
Restaurant Man: No please no not tonight please go- Mister - can't you go - not tonight - can't have a scene
MIKE (Chandler): Whoa, whoa, whoa -- prom night flashback!
Roger: What?
TOM: He really *can't* hear, can he?
CROW (Announcer): Crummy flats: They destroy your hearing *and* make you stutter!
Mark: What am I - just a blur?
MIKE: You said it, I didn't.
Collins: Benjamin Coffin III -- here?
Restaurant Man: Oh no!
CROW (Restaurant Man): Your parents must have really not liked you!
MIKE: Hmmm, a death reference....
TOM: Don't start, Mike.
All: Wine & beer!
MIKE: I think that's the first cool thing they've said during this entire show!
Maureen: The enemy of Aveneu A. We'll stay
TOM: What is it with letters in this show? We can buy C, D, and X, but we live on A and B?
CROW (Mike): *Special* people--
TOM: Eh, shut up!
Benny: Was the yuppie scum stomped? Not counting the homeless, how many tickets weren't comp'ed?
TOM: Yeah, how many tickets weren't comp'ed?
MIKE: Tom, you don't know what comp'ed means, do you?
TOM: Well...no. But it *sounds* cool.
Roger: Why did Muffy--
Benny: Alison
CROW: So, either she has two names or Roger can't remember her name?
TOM: Hmmm...I think it's both.
MIKE: So along with causing financial ruin and stuttering, that apartment also causes memory loss!
Benny: Our akita
Benny, Mark, Angel, Collins: Evita
MIKE (Benny): Whoaaaa...dude....how did you know her name???
Benny: Mimi - I'm surprised. A bright and charming girl like you
(All stifle their laughter.)
Or do you really want a neighborhood where people piss on your stoop every night?
CROW: Hey, don't knock it unless you've tried it!
MIKE: Too much information, Crow.
This is Calcutta. Bohemia is dead.
TOM: Only the good die young!