MiSTed: "Rent"

by Molly Sergel


...continued from Part One...

Roger: When the notes are sour where is the power you once had to ignite the air

MIKE: I don't see this guy setting the air on fire.

TOM: Breaking a few windows maybe, but certainly no fire.

Roger: Some life that we've chosen

MIKE: Chosen? You think we *choose* to watch this stuff, buddy?

Mark: How can you generate heat when you can't feel your feet

Both: And they're turning blue!

TOM: Hey, what a coincidence -- my feet are blue!

MIKE: Tom, that's not because of the cold.

TOM: Oh yeah? You try being in the same room with Dr. Forrester after he's come out of the sauna. Not pretty!

Mark: You light up a mean blaze

Roger: With posters

Mark: And screenplays

TOM: Ah, now we know where all those Irwin Allen scripts went.

CROW: Yeah, yeah, you sold your movie rights. We know already, you don't have to shove it down our throats!

Roger and Mark: How we gonna pay, how we gonna pay, how we gonna pay last year's rent?

MIKE (Grandmother): Well you could always get a paper route, young man

Joanne: You won't throw up. You won't throw up.

TOM: Wanna bet?

The digital delay didn't blow up exactly. There may have been one teeny, tiny spark. You're not calling Mark

CROW: You certainly aren't! It's a long distance call from Phoenix anyway, and you don't have that kind of money!

MIKE: CROW!!!!

Collins: How do you stay on your feet when on every street it's trick-or-treat and tonight it's "trick".

TOM: Oh that's profound. Sounds like it was stolen from some Arnold Schwarzenager movie.

MIKE (Arnold Schwarzenager): Give me your candy before I blow your head off!

Benny: Alison baby - you sound sad

MIKE (Alison): Yeah... that I have to be in this show!

Mark: "The music ignites the night with passionate fire"

TOM (Beavis): Fire! Fire!

MIKE: Oh great. Now if some kid burns down his trailer, guess who's gonna get sued?

Mark: Zoom in as they burn the past to the ground

Both: And feel the heat of the future's glow

MIKE: Fire...heat...burn...glow...why do I have the feeling I'm in for it if I keep watching this show?

CROW (Billy Graham): You're all going to hell!

Roger and Mark: 'Cause everything is rent!

TOM: Somehow I think all the publicity from this show has gone to their heads.

CROW: I mean, geez, you go on the Rosie O'Donnell show one time...

A Homeless Man: Christmas bells are ringing, Christmas bells are ringing, Christmas bells are riinging. Somewhere else! Not here

MIKE: I hear ya, man!

Collins: No. Had none to get- But the purloined my coat-

TOM: I hate these shows where you need a dictionary to understand what they're saying.

MIKE: I know, it's like *hello* -- how smart do you think we are -- we're watching *this* show!

Angel: Let's get a Band Aid for your knee, I'll change. There's a Life Support meeting at nine thirty.

MIKE: Yeah, somebody put this show on life support.

TOM: Pull the plug! Pull the plug!

Angel: You're cute when you blush. The more the merry - ho, ho, ho.

CROW: (accusingly) Hey, you're not Santa Claus! Where *is* he anyway? He has to save this show!

And I do not take no

MIKE: Just say no

TOM:...to overly friendly guys offering nice things. Sheesh, if I didn't know better, I'd think he was coming on to that guy.

MIKE: Tom, he *was* coming on to that guy!

Mark: Touche.

CROW (Rude Monty Python French Guy): You English knnnnnn-iggets!

MIKE: Oh, he's talking in French! Now I know why everybody thought this show was so diverse!

Take your AZT. Close on Roger. His girlfriend April left a note saying "we've got AIDS" before slitting her wrists in the bathroom

TOM: No, she probably just got sick of listening to him play. That whole AIDS things was just a cover.

CROW: I'd rather slit my wrists than watch this show.

MIKE: Crow, how many times do I have to remind you, *special* people like you don't have wrists...

Roger: One song. Glory. One song. Before I go. Glory. One song to leave behind

MIKE: Yes, please find one song and *stick to it*!

CROW: And preferably not this one.

Time flies-

TOM: Yeah. When you're having fun.

CROW: Which we're not.

time dies. Glory - one blaze of glory. One blaze of glory. Glory. Find. Glory

MIKE : Okay, class, now what does he want to find?

TOM & CROW: (tiredly) Glory.

In a song that rings true. Truth like a blazing fire. An eternal flame.

MIKE: Again with the fire metaphors! I really think they're trying to tell us something!

One song. To redeem this empty life.

CROW: You said it, I didn't.

Time flies. And then - no need to endure anymore

TOM: Please end this. I don't think *we* can endure much more!

Time dies. The door.

MIKE (Groucho Marx): Give that boy a cigar!

CROW (Jeopardy contestant): I'll take Household Noise Identification for $200, Alex.

Mimi: Got a light?

MIKE: *Again* with the fire?

TOM: In *that* condemned old building? That might not be the best idea.

CROW (Smokey the Bear): Only you can prevent crummy flat fires.

Mimi: Just haven't eaten much today. At least the room's stopped spinning, anyway.

TOM: (sings) The wonder ball goes round and round...

Roger: She died. Her name was April.

Mimi: It's out again. Sorry about your friend.

MIKE: Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Miss Sensitivity!

Roger: Oh, the wax - it's

Mimi: Dripping! I like it - between me-

Roger: Fingers. I figured...

CROW (Roger): But not what I had hoped.

Mimi: No-I think that I dropped my stash

TOM: Of what? Flammable devices?

CROW: Tight vinyl outfits?

MIKE: Lame pick-up lines?

Mimi: I'm illin'-

TOM: Yeah, I think I'm gonna be ill as well. See, even the actors can't stand this show!

I had it when I walked in the door. It was pure - is it on the floor?

Roger: The floor?

MIKE (Roger): Ohhhh, *that's* what I've been standing on all these years!

Mimi: They say that I have the best ass below 14th Street. Is it true?

Roger: What?

CROW: (louder) They say that I have the best-- (Mike clamps Crow's beak shut.)

TOM (Butthead): Huh huh. You said "ass".

Roger: Oh no. I mean you do--have a nice--I mean--you look familiar

MIKE: And who says guys don't know how to pick up girls anymore?

TOM: Nothing turns me on more than a good stutterer.

Roger: I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs

MIKE (Roger): Or with your clothes on.

Roger: Why odn't you forget that stuff. You look like you're sixteen

Mimi: I'm nineteen - but I'm old for my age.

CROW: How can someone who's nineteen be old for being nineteen?

MIKE: New math?

Mimi: What's that?

Roger: Candy bar wrapper

MIKE (Mimi): Oh, must be that new kind: Heroin Crunch.

Mimi: Bah humbug...bah humbug

CROW: Ebeneezer Scrooge!!!!!

TOM: He'll save this show!

Roger: Cold hands

Mimi: Yours too. Big. Like my father's. You wanna dance?

Roger: With you?

MIKE: No, with her father.

Mimi: No - with my father

MIKE: Hey!

Mimi: They call me, they call me Mimi

TOM: "They call me me me". She still didn't tell him what her name was.

CROW: I think she's just playing hard to get.


Go On to Part 3!